Permanence

Most if not all of us are looking for a forever.  Something that we can count on, that will not change, something we can make that will leave a mark in the world.  Thing is, forever is a lie.  People change and die, reputations & legacies fade & are overwritten,  buildings crumble, natural disasters or wars wipe out the sturdiest of things in the blink of an eye, the entire earth could be destroyed, even stars die eventually.  If we're lucky, we find something that will last a lifetime, or maybe even a few.  Sometimes the things we expect to last do not, while something that was never imagined to be lasting will be dug up a thousand years later and displayed at some museum. 

Exploration of the Self

I think it is fundamentally important for people to explore themselves.  I believe it is a major factor in happiness.  The study of yourself is an endless process, and nobody else can do it even marginally as well as you. 

You need to check in with yourself multiple times every single day (especially true for women).  Ask yourself how you're feeling, why you're feeling it, how you feel about your feelings, what you're thinking, how do you feel about any new information or experiences that have entered your life, what do you need, what do you want, etc. It's a process of self acceptance. 

People say that your 20's are a time of self exploration.  But I think it should be a lifelong process.  Because you are always changing and having new experiences, right?  Even your basic body chemistry will be different when you are 50 than it is when you are 30, and that chemistry has a major impact on your thoughts, emotions, etc.  So you need to keep checking back in to see what's changed. 

I've found this to be my form of non-traditional meditation.  I can't clear my mind of everything; that's just not possible for me.  But if I endeavor to understand myself, be in tune with myself and my feelings, then I feel balanced and in charge of my life. You could say it's a sense of inner peace.  And if I have that, then I can open up to more new experiences, new ideas, new people, as well as giving to those around me in the arenas of friendship and support. 

Options

One of the things that makes me happiest in life is having options.  Making choices, and having a plethora of options to choose from.  Every time I finish a sock, I love going to my yarn stash and deciding which color to use next.  Every time I finish a bar of soap in the shower, I love going to my soap stash and deciding whether I want honeysuckle, or strawberry shortcake, or cracklin' birch, or whatever.  Sadly enough, the opportunity to make these little choices is often the highlight of my day.  (I know.)  It makes me feel like I have freedom and excitement.  (Yes.  I know.) And the more options I have when making my choice, the happier, freer, and more excited I will be.  Going to Perkins & ordering the Tremendous 12, & getting to decide from bite to bite what to eat next:  pancakes, eggs, potatoes, bacon? Or better yet, a buffet?  Yup, that, in a nutshell, is my heaven. 

The downside to this is that in order to have these choices, I have to have multiple options for everything on hand.  I have a library of books.  Cases of dvds.  Stacks of soap boxes, buckets of yarn, drawers of socks, bags of B&BW handsoaps & lotions, a large stash of candy, about 15 boxes of flavored teas, not to mention the coffees and hot cocoas and several bottles of various liquor on hand.  8 pack of Prismacolor colored pencils?  No, I want the 120 color tin at a cost of $80.  Gotta have my color options.  Believe me, the list goes on.

Point is, having all these things available on an everyday basis means that my house is jammed full of stuff.  Which makes me miserable, because it's always messy; I always feel overwhelmed by the clutter and trying to houseclean.  And the embarrassment if anybody ever wants to come in my house.  (Although I do enjoy when people say things like, "Wow, I wish I had this many books!"  If it was all neat and I had housekeepers or something, everything would be just fine!)  But anyway, if I strip it all down, get rid of things and only have one of every given thing at a time, I lose my options, my freedom, my happiness, and my security.  What if I need that whatever-it-is, and it's gone because I gave it away or threw it out?  What if I'm bored and really want to sew something, but I've emptied out my fabric stash and don't have any money to go buy new stuff for my project?  If I hadn't thrown it all out, I'd surely have had what I needed in there somewhere. 

And also, in my bizarre craziness, if a room is too empty, I start to get really uncomfortable.  Anxiety, panic, etc.  You know those houses you see in magazines with sleek, modern furniture and wide open expanses of floor, and not a pinch of clutter to be seen?  That would kill me.  I could not sit in those rooms for more than 5 minutes if my life depended on it.

Uuuhhh....The End.  *shrug*

Celebrity Crush Tag

So this is Fleur de Force's Celebrity Crush Tag from YouTube.  I don't do YouTube, but want to do the tag, so here it is.  :)

Who was your young celebrity crush?   John Stamos as Uncle Jesse on Full House.

Celebrity girl crush?: Zooey Deschanel

Celebrity crush over 40?: Harrison Ford

Boyband Crush?: I've got nothing here.  If I can expand to any male singer, ...I still don't have much.  Maybe Josh Turner?

Teenage jailbait crush?:  Zac Efron.  Hands down.  I think he may be legal now, but still, way too young for me!

So, that's all the questions she had.  I really feel like I need to throw Maxwell Caulfield from Grease 2 in here somewhere.  So there he is.  lol 

 I tag anybody else who wants to do this tag, & feel free to switch the guys to girls and girls to guys if you are male or lesbian or whatever.  :)

In Defense of Men

I think men get a bad rap sometimes.  When a man holds a door open for a woman, or wants to carry something for her, I don't think it means he thinks she can't do things for herself.  I think it means he's valuing her, or showing respect.  Being a nice guy.  I don't understand why some women take offense to this stuff. 

I also don't like when women say all men are cheaters, or I've heard some male comedians say that if a guy hasn't cheated, it's only cuz he hasn't had the opportunity presented to him.  Really?  If I didn't think more of men than that then I would never have married one.  And I know there are people out there who are gonna say I'm just naive.  I think that men mostly cheat because they haven't found the right girl yet and aren't 100% in love with the one they're with, or are in a marriage that has gone down hill really bad but they don't get divorced for whatever reason. Or maybe they have some personal issues they need to deal with before they can really be with somebody.   But I don't think all men are cheaters.

I think it must be tough to be a man.  They have to worry about offending women all the time, cuz something they meant to be nice will get twisted into something sexist in the hands of many feminists.  And they have to deal with the crazy moods that a lot of us have, but they're not allowed by our culture to have moods of their own.  They're supposed to be stoic and not show much emotion and be tough guys.  Gots to be macho.  Big boys don't cry.  Now I must admit that I've found the stereotype of men turning into babies when they're sick to be true.  But I think maybe they should be allowed to be babies then, cuz the rest of their lives they're not allowed. I'm not saying I want my guy to cry all the time, but I do think it's unfair and unhealthy that men are not allowed to deal with their emotions openly the way women are.  They have to go play sports or get drunk or something.  Or maybe that's the way it is because that's the way they want it to be.  I know getting my husband to handle something emotional to him is like pulling teeth.  *shrug*

Guys get judged and measured on some stupid things, too.  There's a big fuss about women being drug down by images of perfect supermodels on tv, but it's like that for men to some extent also.  6-pack abs.  Pecs & upper arms.  Fancy cars and money.  Dick size.  Isn't this the same kind of thing as women's bra sizes, waist measurements, etc? 

I guess what I'm saying is I think there's a lot of pressure on men, and we don't give them enough credit sometimes.  However, that's not to say that there aren't times when I get totally disgusted & annoyed with things that my husband does or doesn't do that are stereotypical of men.  Not gonna pretend I've never said, "Ugh!  MEN!!"  lol  That's a whole other blog, cuz trust me, I could go on. 

The road runs past my door, leaving me behind.

Chef Buck from YouTube is kinda makin' me feel antsy.  Like life is passing me by and I am not living it.  He's always doing something fun and thinking about fun things, and cooking unusual stuff.  I kind of feel in a rut.  Like, yeah, it's cool that I knit and make soap, but I spend a lot of time just sitting around, playing stupid pointless games online....why do we play these games?  Whether it's Farmville or Solitare or Zuma...it's pointless!  Do you have anything to show after you play? No!  Does it expand your mind or your world?  I think not.  Why do we do it?  It's not like I'm not interested in other things in the world, cuz I'm interested in billions of things, except sports, politics, and news.  I know, I know, everybody likes those things, but not me.  Sorry.  Anyway, I feel kinda like a hermit.  Jess & I are not really "going out" people.  We're homebodies.  We're not social.  What I really wish is that there was a bigger creative community around here, where I could go to Stitch & Bitch meetings, and have other soapers to talk to, or take cooking classes, or painting classes.  Like I'd have money for classes anyway!  lol  I can't even do half the crap I see on FoodNetwork or anything, because for one it's often too expensive, for another my guys are picky eaters and reluctant to try new things especially if they don't involve meats, and third a lot of the things they use are just not available around here.  Not sure, but I think it's pretty hard to find stuff like jicama, quinoa, Asian foods and sauces, squid  (not sure I really wanna try squid, but that's not the point right now), etc.  I just wanna DO things.  I wanna be interesting.  I wanna be an amazing cook, and I wanna be able to fix plumbing, and I wanna fly a plane, and I wanna have experiences.  But I feel like I need money, and a better car, and better resources available to me, and for Jessy to be more excited (or at ALL excited) about doing and trying new things, so I have somebody to go live with, and make stories and funny experiences.  Not that I wanna ditch Jessy and find somebody who wants to do things.  I don't mean that at all.  Him's ma baby.  I'd love to do all this stuff with him, so that we could be together and bond and what-not, but it's ok that he doesn't really wanna.  Especially since I can't really do them anyway.  I could always find a friend who wants to do stuff if and when I get money together.  Really need a stitch & bitch group.  Just not sure there are enough yarn crafters in the area to get one together!  I feel very alone sometimes, even though I know there must be other crafters out there, judging by how much yarn we sell.  Whatever.  I gotta get to bed. :)

Soaping

I've been going buts because I want to make my hand made soap again, but it's pretty expensive, and I don't want to end up buried in millions of bars of soap because I can't use it up fast enough.  I do that.  I have a drawer of nothing but hand knit socks completely separate from my regular sock drawer.  How many feet do I think I have?  lol  Anyway.  I let my soap cure for 2 months after I make it, so I promised myself that I wouldn't soap again until at least the last batch was fully cured.   So every 2 months I have personal permission.  I'm due again on June 20th, but I'm not sure if I'm gonna do it.  I need more supplies, and it's gonna cost 20-30 dollars after shipping and all, and that is money that I really should be spending on getting my credit card debt down.  (My car is paid off now, so the goal is to knock down the credit cards so I can move on with my life!)  I've been trying to satisfy my need to soap by watching youtube videos of other people doing it.  There's one lady who I really love watching, her name is Holly, she is a stay-at-home mom who soaps as a hobby.  She'd like to sell, but isn't sure she'd make enough profit to cover the expense of the insurance you need to have.  I am totally jealous of this woman.  She does not make any money herself, so her husband makes enough that they are comfortably raising their 3 children and she still has enough money to make soap at least once a week.  And she buys all the extra special stuff and dodads and contraptions and molds and oils, and she has a stock of colors and fragrances that she always has on hand.  She makes really cool soap, usually in loaf molds, which I really want to try, but do not have the mold for.  I've done 2 batches so far, one espresso chocolate and one tuberose moss.  I use silicone cupcake molds because I already had them and don't like them for baking anyway.  Plus it makes really nice individual soaps without me having to cut bars and all.  Holly has a blog and a youtube channel, and Anne Marie from Soap Queen even reads her blog, which pretty much means that she is a soap superstar.  She keeps talking about fellow soapers and the soaping community and other people in her area and online who she is great friends with and talks about soap all the time with.  I don't know anybody else who soaps.  Just he lady at the farmer's market, who inspired me to start soaping, but she has no idea who I am.  I want soaping friends and I want to be able to make soap whenever I want and just give it away and I want to be a soap guru and make beautiful stuff. 

Lactose!!

I've always had a bit of intestinal issues.  My dad has chron's disease, which almost killed him a few times, but he's good now.  I have some form of colitis, possibly ulcerative I'm thinkin, and two other small colon issues that I'd rather not name because they have bad connotations and everybody would go EW! or TMI.  I am also lactose intolerant, which it took me eons to figure out.  Not sure why, you'd think it'd be easy to link up, eat dairy, get sick, lactose intolerant.  Just somehow never made the connection.  But I finally got it, and I have been feeling MUCH better now that I know what to avoid or take a pill for.   I've been just avoiding for the most part because I hate having to shell out for the stupid pills.  But I am super excited about how many lactose free things Kroger has started carrying recently.  There's Lactaid milk, which is regular cows' milk without lactose, and then the artificials, (rice milk and soy milk).  I never just drink straight milk anyway, and all of these taste good to me on cereal and such.  The Lactaid milk has been in the clearance section the past few times I've been in, which worries me, cuz it means they're not selling enough of it before it gets outdated, and if they're losing money on it they might stop carrying it.  It is more expensive than regular milk.  But anyway, there's also Yoplait lactose free yogurt, in fewer flavors than the regular kind, and most are fruit which I don't like cuz I hate the slimy chunks and pieces, but there is vanilla, and I can put my own stuff in it, and it's the same price as regular yogurt.  And there's Breyer's lactose free ice cream.  Only in vanilla, but still, pretty exciting.  Yay for dairy I can eat without taking a pill or having gut wrenching pain.  :) 

Kennywood!

My dad decided he wanted to "ride a roller coaster one more time" before he DIES.  Yeah.  Like he's 90 years old or something, or has terminal cancer.  Ridiculousness. Anyway, he asked if I wanted to go to Kennywood with him, and of course I was like YEAH!  Trips with my parents are always something I jump at cuz they pay for everything and I don't have to drive my car, so it's pretty much the only way I get to go anywhere with my financial situation right now.  So me, Dad, and Joe (brother) went to Kennywood.  We stopped in Washington, PA for doughnuts at the Donut Connection.  They have these "honeydew" doughnuts which are awesome.  They're basically a cake doughnut with glaze.  Sounds plain, but lemme tell ya, completely delicious.  I drove the whole way up and back, and I gotta say it was a small nightmare.  Definitely coulda been worse, but yeah, we had to go right into Pittsburgh, and then on the way back Mapquest had the directions to Red Robin all wrong, and then there was construction and it was 1 lane going through Fort Pitt Tunnel. Drivers in Pittsburgh (or any city) are A-holes.  They drive bumper to bumper like crazy people and will not let you merge unless you about hit them with your car and just horn your way in.  I hate it.  And the streets in Pittsburgh?  It's like, I don't even know what it's like.  Nothing makes sense, and it's so easy to get lost, and every street has like 20 lanes, and it seems like usually I'm on the wrong side of those 20 lanes for the exit that I need to use!  lol  But Kennywood itself was great.  I didn't think so at first.  We went on the Jackrabbit and I was like, I just don't think i like roller coasters any more.  After the first time on the Racer I was thinking, it's not unbearable, but I'm still not loving it.  But by the end of the day I was psyched about the whole thing.  I think I just have to get desensitized to it all every time I go to an amusement park, cuz this is the way it usually is for me.  And I never get so comfortable with it that I'm willing to go on the big coasters, or ones where you go upside down and stuff.  I'm too big a chicken.  My favorite ride is not even a coaster, it's the Wave Swinger, which is a bunch of lawn chair lookin' seats hung from chains, and it lifts you up and spins you around.  I think it's great, but lots of people hate it cuz the ride looks fragile, like the chains might break and send you flying 100 feet into concrete or something.  But I'm sure if that actually happened they'd take the ride down, and at big parks like Kennywood and Cedar point they test the rides often and make sure they're maintained and safe, so I'm not worried about it.  Red Robin was awesome.  Thick burgers cooked the way you want (medium for me!) and lots of topping combinations.  I like their Blue Ribbon burger, but this time I got the Whiskey River, which is marinated in a whiskey sauce and has fried onion straws, bbq sauce, mayo, and the usual burger toppings.  SO GOOD.  I want a Red Robin in our area.  Or a Ruby Tuesday's.  I mean, I like Wendy's and all, but there is nowhere close to get a really really really good thick burger.  

Work vent

Been in a crappy mood the last couple weeks.  Right now I'm thinking of like 9,000 things to talk about, and I'm not sure where to start or how to organize everything so my posts aren't a mile long.  Let's see... how bout work?  Ok.  So my boss went on vacation last week, and she's had to spend a lot of days at the Steubenville store because they just lost their manager and have no idea what they are doing.  Our district manager's husband has colon trouble of a life-endangering nature, and so she's been all worked up lately.  Our OTL (I don't know what that stands for, but she's basically the only person at our store who has a clue, cares, and gets stuff done) her husband had triple bypass surgery and she's been out for a while.  So yeah, Angie (boss), Liz (OTL), and (I like to flatter myself) me, are the 3 movers and shakers who really get the most done and know the rules and what needs to happen.  And they both left me.  lol  I gotta say it hasn't been as bad as I was expecting, and definitely not as frustrating as it's been in the past under similar circumstances, but still, it's not fun.  I've been working my tail off, and I feel like the stuff that I'm immediately responsible for has been getting handled well, which is awesome.  And the other girls haven't been doing too badly on the whole, but it is frustrating to work with them sometimes.  Some of them are SO unorganized, and they can't remember how to do things half the time.  Usually I just try to ignore it and do my own thing, but it's annoying when I can't do what I need because I have to watch the floor while they finish up paperwork, or I have to pick up a plan-o-gram or a sale set when someone else started it, because it's like stepping into chaos.  It seems like they just don't think in an organized way, so everything they do is unorganized.  Things get left half done, and I dunno, stuff like, instead of pulling all the clearance, marking it and taking it to the clearance section before they start to set a plan-o-gram, they'll pile it all in a cart or basket and end up running out of time and leaving it for someone else to deal with.  When they do sale set they don't have just a "done" and "not done" pile, they have 60 piles of signs, and so when I step in to help I'm like, ok what's been done here? And they're not even sure themselves half the time.  Why are we checking the same things twice instead of just having 2 piles & no confusion??  So ok, this post was basically just a vent for me, and I'm sure nobody's thinking, "wow, this was fascinating!"  LOL  Oh well!

"Mr. Owl, how many dates does it take...?"

So.  Having never really played the dating game myself, and after seeing lots of fast movers on tv, I started wondering what is the "norm" on how long the average American dates before sex?  Ya know, not counting 1-night-stand things, just people actually dating with long-term relationships in mind.  Googled some discussions about it.  Three dates seems to be the most common answer, followed by, "I don't really have a set rule, just whenever it feels right."  Sometimes in conjunction with, "3 dates seems reasonable though.  You can usually tell if the relationship is going somewhere by then."   ................  Ok, not that I want to pass judgement on anybody, but ARE YOU KIDDING ME???  How long is an average date?  Maybe 2-4 hours?  So, three dates, we'll go with the long date scenario here and say 4 hours each... basically people are saying 12 hours with somebody and they're ready to go?  That's all it takes?  That's not even a full DAY of hours!  Now, if it's a date that came out of a friendship, then that is different I think, since you already know the person and have a history, but, for example, people who hook up in bars?  Really?  In less than 24 hours of time spent together they're gonna go from, "Hi, my name is ____." to "How was it for you?"  ?  Am I just being a prude?  Having sex with somebody you just met after only 3 dates seems about as ridiculous to me as getting married after 3 dates.  Lots of people, especially men, were saying that if there was no sex after three dates they would end the relationship on the grounds that it wasn't going anywhere.  All I can say to that is thank goodness I found my man with lighting speed, cuz if I hadn't I apparently would have been dumped over and over and over and over again!  Not that, in all fairness, I didn't throw my morals and ideal of "wait till you're married" out the window pretty fast (although not 3 dates fast), but in my defense we had known each other a few years before we started officially dating.  If most people are following a 3 date time frame then how does half the country not have an STD?  They can't all be using protection, cuz there are a lotta babies being made out there.  (Yes, I understand sometimes people do use protection and still end up with babies.)  Maybe most people don't make it past a first date?  So maybe you have a year or two of one date people before you find one who actually is worth 3 dates?  Is that how it works?  Maybe you have several hours of phone conversation between dates, so that counts too?  Still seems kinda fast to me.  Kissing and petting, ok, but the whole 9 yards?  I mean, obviously people have the right to do what they want and what they think is right for them. I certainly don't mean to hurt anybody's feelings if they like to move fast.  Plus, like I said, I am not now nor have I ever been an experienced dater, so maybe I just don't know how it is, but as for me,  "Not I, said the Fly."  lol 

People I have mooned over lol

Actors:
First and foremost: John Stamos
Jason Priestley
Maxwell Caulfield
Harrison Ford
Cary Grant
Marlon Brando
Paul Reiser
.....ok, don't judge....  Gene Wilder....  I don't know why
Jeff Goldblum
Jonathan Taylor Thomas  (back in the day)
Patrick Swayze
Zac Efron  ....what? he's pretty.
David Duchovny
Nicholas Cage
Mike Rowe
Dean Cain (except I'm not sure there's much brains behind those eyes)
Bill Pullman
Matthew Mcconaughey
All 3 male leads on Stargate SG-1
David Tennant  (shrug)
Ryder Strong
Dick VanDyke
Tom Selleck
Robin Williams
Zen Gesner in The Adventures of Sinbad
Jeff Corwin (take of his shirt)


Animated (yeah, I know):
Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid
Tamahome from Fushigi Yugi
Chad from Bleach
Aladdin
Dimitri from Anastasia


Literary:
Aram from Merupuri
Ren from Tiger's Curse
Devin Mackade from The Mackade Brothers
Kiriya from Kare First Love
Shawn Gallagher from Tears of the Moon
Jesse from The Mediator
Dickon from The Secret Garden  (yeah, that's a weird one)
Seth from Wicked Lovely, although in my world he has no piercings or tattoos
Strider/Aragorn from LOTR

Singers:
Joe Nichols a lil' bit
Billy Ray Cyrus back when
Tim McGraw
Garth Brooks with goatee, like on cover of Ultimate Hits 2007
George Michaels sometimes.  not all the time.
Elvis  yeah, I'm cliche on that one

Pick-me-up sign

I was on an exit ramp this morning (the 1 where 7 joins 70...or 470... can never keep those 2 straight!)  and there was a wooden sign on side of the road that said, "Hey America, hang in there, it will get better, we just need to stick together."  That was all.  No Pepsi logo on the side, no Bible verse and church name at the bottom, no "visit this website to donate to the food bank."  Nothing.  Just a little cheering up message.  I thought that was cool as hell.  I told the girls about it when I got to work, and I think my boss thought it was stupid.  :(  I liked it.

Blah bippity blah

I have nothing to talk about.  But darned if that's gonna stop me.  lol 
Youtube.  Great for music, also great for instructional videos, particularly for crafts.  How to square up a quilt square, how to mark your machine for a true scant 1/4 inch, how to do a slip slip knit decrease stitch for knitting, how to tell when your cold process soap is at trace stage, how to do a french knot embroidery stitch?  Yeah.  It's all there.  So great.

New episodes of Destination Truth on Netflix!  WhooO!  Lots of ghosts though.  They're supposed to go after cryptids.  WTH?  Hey, lookie there, according to the great and powerful spellcheck, cryptids is not a word.  Who's in charge of updating these things?  Seriously.  You know what else isn't a word?  Saponification.  Google knows these are words.  Spellcheck sucks.

Just cut Arron's hair.  He keeps making me do this for him now and then, and it hardly ever goes really "well."  lol  I think usually it's a case of, "it's not great, but it's sure as heck Better!"  I think it came out actually really good this time, except he doesn't wanna comb it the way that I think it looks good.  *shrug*  It's his head and his hair...what'cha gonna do?  He's got brake issues on his car, btw.  He couldn't get to work this morning I guess, and he and Jessy were at each other's throats all day.  Jess complained to me for like 15 minutes.  I'll spare you the details.  lol 

I suck at recognizing people.  Saturday I was wondering why a man at the store was smiling at me from across the store, ......turned out it was my co-worker's son, whom I've met before, and he even gave me a lift to Sears (across the parking lot) to pick up my car when it was raining one day.  I had no clue.  Not the slightest flicker of recognition.  And today Jessy's uncle Tom was over to help Arron look at his car.  I didn't say hi to him cuz I thought it was somebody I'd never seen before.  Then he came back later and knocked on the door, and I told Arron his friend was here.  He said, "Who, Tom?"  Me: "I don't know who Tom is, it's your friend who was helping you with your car."  Like 10 minutes later I was like.... Tom?  Peggy's Tom?  Tom whose house I have been to several times?  Dang it!   Although, in my defense, this may stem from my acquired habit of not looking at men when they come in the store.  Ok, that's gonna take some explanation.  Here goes:
I work at JoAnn Fabrics, for those who don't know.  We sell fabrics, sewing and craft supplies.  I'd say that 85% or higher of our customers are female.  Our store-level workforce is 100% female.  Now.  If a man comes in by himself, I'll look him in the eye for more than a split second and speak directly to him and be friendly.  If he is with a woman, I talk to the woman and avoid all contact with the man. Why?  Well, I guess cuz I don't want the woman to think I am trying to flirt with her man or something.  It's sort of a recognition of her territorial rights I suppose.  Not that I'd be making moves or anything even if the guy (any guy) was completely free, but it seems like it's part of the female social workings to show that you acknowledge a woman's "turf."  And frankly, in the JoAnn's setting, it's almost always the woman that is the shopper, and the man is just the tag-along, so there's generally no point in talking to him anyway because he doesn't even know what they're there for.    Not that I'd ignore if the guy spoke to me or something, I just don't go out of my way to draw him out. 
Sometimes I feel very lucky when I see couples together at the store, because there are some men out there who seem to be all up in the woman's business about what she's doing, even though it's obviously HER project that SHE knows what she needs for it.  The man will ask if she's figured in this measurement, or if she's got enough such & such at home, or does she really need a half yard...wouldn't a quarter yard do if she just moved it like this instead, and what other colors is she thinking of putting in that quilt?  And ok, so most of them are just trying to be helpful, and at least they are showing an interest (which is nice, cuz when I proudly show off a freshly knitted sock to Jessy I get a half-hearted, "That's cool.")  But I just don't think I could stand a man being in my business all the time.  It's like how Arron always needs to know what time I'm working and what I'm doing online and he comes out to the kitchen while I'm cooking and asks me what I'm going to do next and what else is going into the stew and how long I'm going to cook it and don't I need to cut the potatoes a little smaller.  Drives me completely insane!!!  Why does he care!?  Get outta my way!  He thinks I care about every detail of his life too.  He makes millions of little announcements about everything.   When he's going to take a bath, and when he's going to bed, and when he's going to go up to his room, and when he's walking down to Circle K.  Don't care.  I think basically he's just WAY more social than Jessy and I are, and he NEEDS to talk to people and do things with people and stuff like that, in a way that Jessy and I just don't understand. 

Breast Cancer

So, not that I'm opposed to people donating to or buying products that donate to breast cancer awareness, but it kind of bothers me that this is ALL you see anywhere you go any more.  I mean, breast cancer, yes, very serious thing, very sad, deserving of research funds etc.  No argument.  Although I do wonder is "breast cancer awareness" the same thing as research to develop a cure, or are they just pumping more pink ribbon products onto the market, turning it into a business, and it's not a lie because the more stuff they put on the market the more "aware" people are of the whole thing, but is it really helping save anybody's breasts?  I dunno.  Anyway.  My real issue is that they are the only ones out there.  There are other cancers that have their own colored ribbons, like lung cancer, heart disease has one I think, and just, I dunno, I know there are lots more out there, but you never hear about them, because everything is breast cancer breast cancer breast cancer.  Leukemia?  Lymphoma? Colon cancer?  Bone Cancer, Brain Cancer, Prostate Cancer, Skin Cancer, Ovarian Cancer, Pancreatic Cancer, .... and for that matter, what about Diabetes, Chron's Disease, Cerebral Palsy,   etc etc?  Are any of them plastered on everything from sewing baskets to Pepsi cans?  um, no.  Like I said, I'm not arguing that breast cancer is not a legitimate cause, cuz it completely is, but why has it turned into a billion dollar "industry" almost, while other cancers get so much less attention?

Talking behind people's backs

So, during a convo with my dear mother earlier, I have come to the conclusion that: I am annoyed by all my friends on facebook who keep complaining about people talking about them behind their backs.  Firstly, if this really happens all the time and the person obviously doesn't like you then, you know, that sucks but move on and just don't be friends with that person any more.  If they are your enemy anyway then just ignore them or something...I don't know, I'm not sure that I have any real enemies.  But if they are people that you are close to, this thought occurred to us: Sometimes people who love you complain about you to their other friends or family members BECAUSE they care about you so much.  Perhaps you have done something that they find annoying, but not annoying enough to want to make a big stink about it to you or hurt your feelings over it.  They just need to vent a little and then carry on with loving you.  If you have found out about what they said then obviously they have made a poor choice of who it was that they vented to, and it is extremely unfortunate that you are now hurt by something that they said to someone else and not to you for the very purpose of not hurting you. (run-on sentence alert!)  But, I would venture to say that most if not all of us vent to a trusted friend about things like this from time to time, so maybe you should remember that you yourself may have done the very same thing in the past, and I personally don't feel that makes any of us horrible people, just humans. 

mean thoughts

Have you ever seen two people together as a couple and thought, "Woah.  What the heck?  She is WAY too hot for him! What is she doing with him?" or he's too hot for her, you get the idea.  And then ya go, "Wow, self, that was a really mean thought."  But it's too late.  Ya thought it anyway, and there was no stopping it.  It was even worse in high school, cuz there were girls that I didn't think were very attractive and they somehow never were without a date, and sometimes they got really cute guys, and I was like......  ?!?!   Nobody asks me out at all, but meanwhile she's got HIM?  And the generally accepted pronouncement when discussing this obvious injustice of the universe with friends was, "She must be a slut."  lol  How mean is THAT?!  Nobody said, "Maybe she has a really great personality." or even "Maybe her older brother buys them beer."  lol  Nope.  Had to be a slut factor there, that was the only explanation. *sigh*  I am so glad I am not a teenager any more.  They're so cruel.  I barely even liked myself when I was that age.  And my poor mother!  I remember screaming at her in the mornings because I couldn't get my hair the way I wanted it.  She was probably praying every night, "Please God, just help me get through these teen years without killing her!"

Pastimes vs. Pastimes

When Jessy has down time when he doesn't have to be at work, he plays video games and reads.  That's pretty much the extent of it.  Very transient hobbies with nothing to show for them when you finish. 
I play the odd game, read some, draw and play music on occasion, and waste some time on Facebook (although less than some might think, because I am often sitting in front of the computer but doing something else entirely, like knitting, but I'm still watching posts and things like that).  But above all, I am a craft whore. 
I tend to think my way of spending down time as better and more valuable than Jessy's, because I am being productive.  I'm making something.  Plus I'm keeping some old ways alive that if it weren't for hobbyists would be extinct.  But is any of this a valid point really?  Is my time more meaningfully spent just because I end up with a usable product in the end? The things I make are readily available at every mega-mart in America, and sometimes at cheaper prices than what I can make them for.  My hobbies clutter up our home with supplies and tools lying all over and overflowing from plastic storage bins, while Jessy's video games fit nicely in one cupboard and the controllers go in an ottoman that opens up.  And how many socks and washcloths, bracelets, bars of soap, etc. does one person really need?  Of course I can give them as gifts, but nobody gets too excited when they get them.  My crafts are far less expensive in terms of how many hours of activity they provide me vs. how many hours he gets from each video game purchase.   And my crafts (mostly) do not require any electricity, which I reckon might make them a little more environmentally friendly. 
Well, I've kinda tapered out here and don't have a closing statement or anything, so, yeah.... The End.  lol

Domestics

If you'd asked me 5 years ago what I wanted to do with my life, I'd say I wanted to be a housewife.  If you asked me today I'd probably say the same thing, but with less assurance.  lol  I always wanted to be that wife who has all her husband's clothes clean and fresh smelling and hanging up nicely pressed in the closet and folded in the drawers.  We live out of laundry baskets, & I hardly ever get around to folding or hanging.  If something needs ironed it just doesn't get worn.  I wanted to keep my house sparkling clean and scented with candles or potpourri.  Right now there's a ring in the tub, both toilets need scrubbed, there are dishes soaking in the kitchen, the floors haven't been swept in over a month, and there's junk laying all over the living room.  And I can't get the boys to take out the trash promptly, so sometimes our home sports an unpleasant fragrance.  I want to have a wonderful, delicious, healthy dinner ready every night, and bake cookies, cakes, pies, breads, etc.  Often I forget to take meat out to thaw.  Sometimes I just don't feel like it.  Sometimes I have to wash dishes just to gain enough counter space in our small kitchen to prepare anything.  If it involves a rolling pin it's pretty much outta the question, that's just too much work. 
I only work "part time," but often get 30-35 hours in a week.  I work very hard at my job.  It is not a desk job, and it is very demanding (as are the customers!).  If I work two 8-9 hour days in a row, I come home tired, often hurting, and realize that if I'm gonna be in bed in time to get up and do it again tomorrow, I've gotta get dinner started, eat, do dishes, and go to bed, meanwhile the house is a mess everywhere I look.  It's like coming home from one job only to start a second one.  The boys do not understand.  They come home and just chill out, do absolutely nothing.  They have no obligations, they have no chores, except to take out the trash, which they don't do anyway.  I can come home and sit around and PRETEND that I have nothing else to do, but it's always there waiting for me, getting more and more out of hand, becoming a bigger and bigger monster lurking in the corners ready to cause me to have a nervous breakdown. 
I HATE washing dishes with mad, passionate hatred.  I actually love cooking, but there's a big difference between cooking because I want to cook and cooking because I'm expected to, and being expected to every single night.  I'm a messy person.  A lot of the junk lying around the house does belong to me, and yes, I should have tidied it up when I was done.  But the thing is, the boys are messy too, but, I always end up cleaning up my own junk and theirs too, but nobody else EVER cleans up after themselves, let alone clean up after me in return.  If I don't do it, nobody else is going to.  And somehow it's my responsibility.  Somehow I'm expected to.  And if company comes over, nobody is ever gonna thing anything about the guys, there just gonna think, "Geez, she's a really bad housekeeper!" 
I guess I have 2 points here, and I better wrap it up.  1)  I am not a maid, and I am not "Mom."  I should not have to work and do all the housework just because I am a girl.  2) If I did not have to work outside the home, and could devote all my time to keeping the house nice and being Donna Reed, ...would I do it?  Would I suddenly become Holly Housewife and do all that stuff I want to do, or would I still hate it and resent having to do it, and put it off till I can't stand it?

Jill of all trades

Back in the day of apprenticeships, or in the world of the caste system, people learned to do one thing, only one thing, and that was your job, your livelihood, your life. And even today some people do this by choice.  They pick one thing, and say, "This is what I'm going to do, and I'm going to do it as well as I possibly can."  These are the people who rise to the top of their game, becoming experts.  The people that everyone else looks to when they want to know how to do whatever it is they do.  I can't do this.  I want to do EVERYTHING!!  Honestly, everything.  I want to knit, crochet, sew, embroider, quilt, scrapbook, make soap, make jewelry, cook like a pro, grow my own veggies, milk a cow, fly a plane, spin yarn, weave tapestries, work glass, metal work, computer repair and programming, artisan cheese making, bread baking, pastry, candy making, chocolate making, playing every musical instrument ever invented, carpentry, plumbing, book binding, fixing a car, hair cutting and styling, and about a billion other things.  I will never learn to do them all, and I will definitely never be a master/expert at any of them, because I keep shifting from one thing to another.  But I like the idea of having a basic knowledge of how to do anything and everything.  I think it gives an appreciation for things and how they're made or done and the people who make them or do them.  Plus it's just cool to be able to say, "Yeah, I can do that."  :)  Your pipe burst?  Oh, I can fix that.  Wiring lose?  Oh, I'm a trained electrician, let me fix that.  The computer systems of the world fail or some horrible natural disaster affects the entire world and we're all reduced to doing and making everything for ourselves?  Oh, yes, I can grow my own vegetables and make my own soap and turn wool or cotton into clothing and blankets, and I can chop down trees and build a shelter, and I know how to collect water that is safe to drink.  No problem.  Not only that but I can melt down metal to make us tools, and precious metals to make jewelry, and I can make a musical instrument and play it for you in the evenings for entertainment, and I can dye threads pretty colors and stitch little flowers on the clothes I made you from the sheep I sheared and the cotton I picked.  Yup.