Domestics

If you'd asked me 5 years ago what I wanted to do with my life, I'd say I wanted to be a housewife.  If you asked me today I'd probably say the same thing, but with less assurance.  lol  I always wanted to be that wife who has all her husband's clothes clean and fresh smelling and hanging up nicely pressed in the closet and folded in the drawers.  We live out of laundry baskets, & I hardly ever get around to folding or hanging.  If something needs ironed it just doesn't get worn.  I wanted to keep my house sparkling clean and scented with candles or potpourri.  Right now there's a ring in the tub, both toilets need scrubbed, there are dishes soaking in the kitchen, the floors haven't been swept in over a month, and there's junk laying all over the living room.  And I can't get the boys to take out the trash promptly, so sometimes our home sports an unpleasant fragrance.  I want to have a wonderful, delicious, healthy dinner ready every night, and bake cookies, cakes, pies, breads, etc.  Often I forget to take meat out to thaw.  Sometimes I just don't feel like it.  Sometimes I have to wash dishes just to gain enough counter space in our small kitchen to prepare anything.  If it involves a rolling pin it's pretty much outta the question, that's just too much work. 
I only work "part time," but often get 30-35 hours in a week.  I work very hard at my job.  It is not a desk job, and it is very demanding (as are the customers!).  If I work two 8-9 hour days in a row, I come home tired, often hurting, and realize that if I'm gonna be in bed in time to get up and do it again tomorrow, I've gotta get dinner started, eat, do dishes, and go to bed, meanwhile the house is a mess everywhere I look.  It's like coming home from one job only to start a second one.  The boys do not understand.  They come home and just chill out, do absolutely nothing.  They have no obligations, they have no chores, except to take out the trash, which they don't do anyway.  I can come home and sit around and PRETEND that I have nothing else to do, but it's always there waiting for me, getting more and more out of hand, becoming a bigger and bigger monster lurking in the corners ready to cause me to have a nervous breakdown. 
I HATE washing dishes with mad, passionate hatred.  I actually love cooking, but there's a big difference between cooking because I want to cook and cooking because I'm expected to, and being expected to every single night.  I'm a messy person.  A lot of the junk lying around the house does belong to me, and yes, I should have tidied it up when I was done.  But the thing is, the boys are messy too, but, I always end up cleaning up my own junk and theirs too, but nobody else EVER cleans up after themselves, let alone clean up after me in return.  If I don't do it, nobody else is going to.  And somehow it's my responsibility.  Somehow I'm expected to.  And if company comes over, nobody is ever gonna thing anything about the guys, there just gonna think, "Geez, she's a really bad housekeeper!" 
I guess I have 2 points here, and I better wrap it up.  1)  I am not a maid, and I am not "Mom."  I should not have to work and do all the housework just because I am a girl.  2) If I did not have to work outside the home, and could devote all my time to keeping the house nice and being Donna Reed, ...would I do it?  Would I suddenly become Holly Housewife and do all that stuff I want to do, or would I still hate it and resent having to do it, and put it off till I can't stand it?