Options

One of the things that makes me happiest in life is having options.  Making choices, and having a plethora of options to choose from.  Every time I finish a sock, I love going to my yarn stash and deciding which color to use next.  Every time I finish a bar of soap in the shower, I love going to my soap stash and deciding whether I want honeysuckle, or strawberry shortcake, or cracklin' birch, or whatever.  Sadly enough, the opportunity to make these little choices is often the highlight of my day.  (I know.)  It makes me feel like I have freedom and excitement.  (Yes.  I know.) And the more options I have when making my choice, the happier, freer, and more excited I will be.  Going to Perkins & ordering the Tremendous 12, & getting to decide from bite to bite what to eat next:  pancakes, eggs, potatoes, bacon? Or better yet, a buffet?  Yup, that, in a nutshell, is my heaven. 

The downside to this is that in order to have these choices, I have to have multiple options for everything on hand.  I have a library of books.  Cases of dvds.  Stacks of soap boxes, buckets of yarn, drawers of socks, bags of B&BW handsoaps & lotions, a large stash of candy, about 15 boxes of flavored teas, not to mention the coffees and hot cocoas and several bottles of various liquor on hand.  8 pack of Prismacolor colored pencils?  No, I want the 120 color tin at a cost of $80.  Gotta have my color options.  Believe me, the list goes on.

Point is, having all these things available on an everyday basis means that my house is jammed full of stuff.  Which makes me miserable, because it's always messy; I always feel overwhelmed by the clutter and trying to houseclean.  And the embarrassment if anybody ever wants to come in my house.  (Although I do enjoy when people say things like, "Wow, I wish I had this many books!"  If it was all neat and I had housekeepers or something, everything would be just fine!)  But anyway, if I strip it all down, get rid of things and only have one of every given thing at a time, I lose my options, my freedom, my happiness, and my security.  What if I need that whatever-it-is, and it's gone because I gave it away or threw it out?  What if I'm bored and really want to sew something, but I've emptied out my fabric stash and don't have any money to go buy new stuff for my project?  If I hadn't thrown it all out, I'd surely have had what I needed in there somewhere. 

And also, in my bizarre craziness, if a room is too empty, I start to get really uncomfortable.  Anxiety, panic, etc.  You know those houses you see in magazines with sleek, modern furniture and wide open expanses of floor, and not a pinch of clutter to be seen?  That would kill me.  I could not sit in those rooms for more than 5 minutes if my life depended on it.

Uuuhhh....The End.  *shrug*